Last night, I and a bunch of other John Carters were guests of Walt Disney at an advance screening of the greatest film ever. I got the greatest T-shirt ever.
Almost the greatest film ever. Disaster, debacle, epic fail, flop. Other people are using a variety of words to talk about the film, but none of them are good. Oh well, Andrew Stanton, I guess it’s easier to create laughs and tears with an animated garbage can or fish or cowboy than from real people. I hope you had as much fun with the movie as you said you did in the pre-release interviews. But I have to wonder… with all the smart people, all the focus groups, all the science… didn’t you know? What were you and your studio bosses thinking? Couldn’t you have released an R-rated Director’s Cut, or strangled Taylor Kitsch’s stupid John Wayne impersonation, or something??? Couldn’t you have made Dejah Thoris a little bit sexy, instead of just skimpily attired??? Couldn’t you at least have gotten Shatner, instead of a barnful of puffed-up Shatner wannabes?
Next time, call me, ok? I can help.