Brattleboro Adventure – the Auckland Edition
In which we find ourselves in another part of the world
Hot baby hot
Our electrician Tylar gets a good chuckle from working on our house. Sigh. Apparently all the wires are supposed to be covered in Romex or conduit and otherwise made safe. That (live) red wire that exits to the left of the picture is particularly egregiously WRONG. Gone now…
This weekend, we attended the 4th annual Spell Check, a fundraiser for LatchisArts, with our dear friend Janet who visited from Pennsylvania. It was a great evening’s entertainment… where the Harry Potter-themed team actually got to use their wands with the word ‘stupefy’ and zap the other team into stupificity.
The show was emcee’d by Tom Bodett, of Motel 6 commercial and NPR fame (not to mention the author of a whole bunch of books). Unfortunately, caught up in the moment, the bright lights, the roars of the crowd, he made humorous, even deprecating, reference to a certain movie, and I felt compelled to contact him and voice my displeasure. I mean, people are constantly spouting off to someone about something that bothers them, whether it be nuclear waste or Ann Romney’s career choices. This is my issue, and now it’s my time, and Tom Bodett is my gateway public figure.
Our e-mail exchange follows.
Me:
Hello Mr. Bodett,My name is John Carter. Really, it is.My wife and I have listened to you on Wait, Wait, for years, and we really enjoyed your performance at the Spelling Bee last night… but I did want to write and ask you to reconsider the John Carter movie jokes.I’ve loved those John Carter of Mars books more or less forever, even though they are terrible. Now the movie comes along, and finally, in the full flower of my middle age, I get this big-budget moment. Disney invited me to a special screening and gave me t-shirts and trading cards. My consulting clients all got a kick out of it… “oh, yeah, like the movie.” My moldy old comic books jumped up in value. Life was good in ways that only a very very large marketing campaign can make it good. As a famous person yourself, of course you’re used to this kind of thing, but I’ll tell you as a newbie to the whole name recognition thing: it was fun. Then the movie came out, and the pre-release hype turned to tepid endorsements, then the reviews got downright hostile (disaster, fiasco, epic fail), and all of a sudden my namesake is being blamed for hundreds of millions of lost dollars. Imagine the disappointment, if you can.On behalf of the hundreds of John Carters currently hanging their heads in embarrassed shame, please retire the references to “us” even sooner than you otherwise might. I’m confident that won’d be difficult, as there are soooo many other stiff, humorless, overacted space epics out there.With warm regards, and looking forward to next year’s Spelling Bee,John Carter
John,
Just so you know, that was my first John Carter movie joke, and it will be my last, I promise. I never even saw the thing, anyway.I know – a little bit – how you feel. I was hanging around in Hawaii quite a bit while they were making Waterworld with Kevin Costner. Some friends of mine got into the film as extras and stunt guys and were hanging around with Costner off set, so I had all this great buzz-by-association and was really looking forward to the movie – which turned out to be the John Carter of the 90’s and replaced Heaven’s Gate as the most expensive and critically abused film of all time. Sorry you had to get your turn in that barrel. And sorry I piled on. But don’t worry, another 20 or 30 years and people will forget all about it. I feel worst for Taylor Kitsch, who I thought was brilliant in Friday Night Lights. He deserved a better film debut, for sure. So did all you John Carters.
Thanks for the kind words about SpellCheck. We’ll see how the reviews are…My best,Tom
The very fact that Tom Bodett lives close enough to host this thing is pretty awesome… just exactly the right kind of celebrity for the right kind of town. The generosity of his response to my feigned offense and his empathy with my unfeigned disappointment are blessings of the kind we are coming to expect around here. Thank you, Tom, and I’ll rest easier knowing that we’ll always have Waterworld.
The prep work is actually harder than the painting. But many tails make light work.
When only the best will do
On Rte 9, halfway between home and home away from Home Depot sits Garage Sale Quality Merchandise. Last weekend we finally succumbed to that irresistible tag line.
Hooray for truth in advertising!!!
Wheel talent!
Lee kicking some circus ass!
Decablation
The previous owner loved his wires. He had a security system with contacts at every door, cameras, etc. He had a satellite radio system with speakers in the ceiling… lots of them. He had cash registers, and phones, you name it. I ripped out a bunch of it so that we can put in things like outlets and light switches.
During
Here’s me, casting a long shadow toward a building that isn’t there anymore. The project will be done in just a few months.
Before
Known to travel writers as a town with its back to the river, Brattleboro is finally embarking on a project to build a riverside park and walkway. This building will come down with a couple of others, and we’ll get a nice park space and a short walking trail. Construction started this week and is supposed to be finished in just a few months.
Top secret
Sometimes the Reformer gives new meaning to the ‘classified’ ads. A couple weeks ago I puzzled over “good quality with 4 chairs, $60.” Are you paying for the quality or the chairs? And if good quality can really be had so cheaply, shouldn’t I buy some and take it to work?
Now it’s this one. Maybe it’s really social commentary… If all the stray longhaired males, regardless of species, ended up at the Humane Society, would the world finally be safe from Lynyrd Skynyrd cover bands?
Spring!!!
St. Patrick’s Day
We had a very nice corned beef and cabbage supper at nearby St. Michaels Church on Saturday. Not quite as visually interesting as sugar on snow but still a fine thing.
Look sharp
That is the incredibly shiny toe of my shoe, as seen on the floor of an AmTrak train. I’m en route home from a work trip to Washington DC, and I tried the Vermonter train, which goes from St. Albans, VT to Washington once a day. I can walk to the station in Brattleboro, which is very cool. It’s a slow train, lots of stops, but very nice, very relaxing. And, best of all is that I get to visit the shoeshine stand in Union Station, where a very old-school group of guys does a great job making everybody shine. Because it’s a 10-hour trip, I’m not sure how often i’ll actually travel this way, but it was a good experiment.
Last night, I and a bunch of other John Carters were guests of Walt Disney at an advance screening of the greatest film ever. I got the greatest T-shirt ever.
UPDATE 3/26/12
Almost the greatest film ever. Disaster, debacle, epic fail, flop. Other people are using a variety of words to talk about the film, but none of them are good. Oh well, Andrew Stanton, I guess it’s easier to create laughs and tears with an animated garbage can or fish or cowboy than from real people. I hope you had as much fun with the movie as you said you did in the pre-release interviews. But I have to wonder… with all the smart people, all the focus groups, all the science… didn’t you know? What were you and your studio bosses thinking? Couldn’t you have released an R-rated Director’s Cut, or strangled Taylor Kitsch’s stupid John Wayne impersonation, or something??? Couldn’t you have made Dejah Thoris a little bit sexy, instead of just skimpily attired??? Couldn’t you at least have gotten Shatner, instead of a barnful of puffed-up Shatner wannabes?
Next time, call me, ok? I can help.
Brattleboro Adventure – the Auckland Edition 