I’m sorry, but…

I’m sorry, but I’m officially tired of the phrase “I’m sorry, but…” as I hear it used in conversation. 

There are lots of good reasons to say you’re sorry. These include “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t listening. Please repeat yourself.” Or, “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you what you asked for.” The key ingredient seems to be that you should actually be sorry.

However, the usage of “I’m sorry, but…” that seems most common and really gets to me is, “I’m sorry, but I think you’re an idiot.” Maybe you don’t actually say the word idiot, but that seems to be what is meant…so it’s not so much that you’re sorry, but that you hate to be the bearer of bad news. “I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but you’re an idiot.”

Here are some examples:

• “I’m sorry, but the board won’t be voting on your proposal at this time.” (because the proposal was idiotic or illegal or obviously doomed to fail)
• “I’m sorry, but under what name was your reservation?” (because if you think you’re getting a table here dressed like that you really are an idiot)

So, an October resolution: next time I want to disagree or reject or demur, I’m going to do my best to say something like “I disagree, because…” Or even – and this may seem radical – “no.” And the next time I want to tell someone they’re an idiot…